Motorcycles
by Nanomemes
Summary: Iori gets carsick [COMPLETE]
1. Cuddle Buddies

Ey.

So some info. This thing is gonna be a fast one. 3 chapters long. It's just a side thing.

I wrote this pretty fast. So some details might be off. feel free to point them out to me if you find any inconsistencies. If you know me, you know I'm a stickler on that kinda stuff.

If the sentence "All characters are consistent with skeletons" means anything to you then. Well then you understand. (sneak peek at chiz) If it doesn't dont worry about it.

Motorbiking Misadvantures of Kyo and Yag in Turkey. Let's begin. (no part of that sentence is even slightly a joke)

* * *

 _I think motorcycles are obnoxious IRL. like why do you need to be so loud for? If you have a motorcycle, explain to my why Im wrong. See im not. fite me. electric cars is where it's at fam._

 _Im just kidding. just say something in a review- like literally slam your hand on teh keyboard and post it to me. I Dont even care if it means anything, its nice to have SOME interaction. :/ #imlonely_

* * *

A moaning wind blew across the prairie, throwing dust and tufts of grass across the plains. Above, the noonday sun shone from high in the sky, yet, in spite of its brilliance, did nothing to mitigate the windy chill from atop the great Turkish plateaus. Those long beams of light seemed to glow off a straight strip of bleached asphalt that lay across the prairie. The cracked and disused road split the landscape like a streak of paint. The long road was the only man-made thing in sight. It stretched out into the horizon. Wilderness extended out on each side for miles on end.

A pebble kicked up from beneath the front wheel and bounced off Kyo's motorcycling goggles with a sharp _crack_. He winced, and the vehicle briefly swerved. He quickly righted it. He felt fingernails dig into his side.

Normally he would have let himself drift a bit. Maybe even take the bike off-road. The plains looked appetizing and there wasn't a person- much less a police car - in sight. Who would even care in the mountains of Turkey? He briefly mourned the lost opportunity. He always liked that hint of danger while riding.

Kyo glanced down at the speedometer. He was pushing 100 miles per hour.

 _If I'd known we'd be riding motorcycles, I would've brought my Baby. Not that this Harley is bad either..._

He definitely considered himself a speed junkie, he was addicted to it. His bike… his 'baby' back home could do zero to sixty in two-and-a-half seconds - and counting. Every time a new part came to market, he would buy it and have it installed on 'her'. He had no plans to stop either. He was going to keep upgrading his bike until it went fast enough to make him black out.

Yes, it was stupid. Yes, it was dangerous. Expensive too. But Kyo just couldn't get enough of it. He loved it when adrenaline filled his head whilst he skidded down a togue. Or the rush he got when he swerved in and out of speeding traffic. Or the -

"..."

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"I SAID I HATE YOU SO MUCH"

"ALRIGHT"

The voice behind Kyo's head returned to muttering curses into his jacket collar.

A few days ago, Chizuru had contacted him about a tip she received. A strange _'phenomenon_ ' had suddenly appeared in the mountains of Turkey and it demanded their immediate attention. Of _course_ it was Orochi.

The first time they sealed the demon was almost five years ago. The ordeal had almost killed the three of them.

The second time was easier.

The third time - they had it down to a science.

This was the fourth, and Kyo had half a mind to take over watching the seal himself, because Chizuru was obviously doing a shoddy job. Sealing Orochi was not supposed to be an annual sacred treasures get-together. They each had lives to live, and didn't particularly enjoy each other's company.

Ah. Well except for Yagami. He wasn't merely _'unappreciative'_ of his fellow treasure-holder's presences. 'Unappreciative' was the understatement of the year. Iori Yagami seemed to hate Kyo and Chizuru more and more each time he saw them.

This time was no different.

He had hopped off the airplane positively livid. He was even more unhappy to hear they would have to travel a hundred miles along a derelict road to reach the demon. He was literally spitting flames when he learned the roads were in such bad condition, they would need to travel via motorbike to get there.

 _Always causing such a scene. You really don't know how to be inconspicuous huh? What do you think is gonna happen when you scream like a maniac and set yourself on fire in an airport?_

Iori's little tirade had scared the airport employees badly enough that they shut the place down. But Kyo really couldn't blame them. Iori looked and acted - for all intents and purposes - like a terrorist. At the time, Chizuru was still in the air. They wouldn't let her land, so her jet was to be re-routed to an airport on the other side of the plateau. She would arrive separately.

Which was all well and good - except for the fact Kyo was now running from Turkish authorities because Yagami _wouldn't_ keep his temper in check. And the bastard had the audacity to say the police were overreacting. _Yeah, they're the ones overreacting. What a joke._

It took a bit of time, but eventually things calmed down. Kyo and his rabid dog of a rival, upon successfully evading the authorities, disappeared into the depths of the city in order to procure a means of transport. Chizuru had already informed them the roads were too narrow for cars, and off-road vehicles wouldn't be able to climb up the steep edges of the plateau, but Iori went about looking for a jeep anyway. When Kyo questioned his sanity, Iori responded with a courteous: _'Because I don't know how to ride a fucking motorcycle, alright dipshit? and I sure as hell ain't sharing one with you.'_

Unfortunately for him, every local he spoke to (every local who spoke enough English to communicate with him) told him straight out there was only one way up the plateau - and that was via motorbike.

He was furious.

Despite all this, Iori had already set his mind on sealing Orochi. Kyo knew he would find his way up the plateau one way or another. He was that sort of unreasonable guy.

So, like any good rival, Kyo exploited his stubbornness.

 _"Looks like you're riding with me then, huh, Yagami?"_

 _"... Yeah."_

 _"Too bad I won't let you. Tough luck."_

 _"...Oh Fuck you man. Are you serious?"_

 _"Dead serious"_

 _"We've got to seal that Orochi bastard though. You're just gonna let him revive? Some Kusanagi YOU are!"_

 _"I said I don't want to share a bike, not that I want to unleash Orochi. Use your brain for once fuckwit."_

 _"Yeah? Well we need all three of us to seal the bastard, so how the hell am I supposed to get up there?"_

 _"That's kinda your problem, isn't it. Eh, Yagami?"_

 _"You're an asshole, you know that?"_

 _"Says the guy who literally shut down an international airport because he can't control his temper!"_

 _"Kusanagi I'm going to stir-fry your guts, so help me."_

 _"Bitch I'd like to see you fucking try!"_

(Etc… )

 _"Kusanagi I hope you fall into a ditch and break your neck… now tell me how much I need to bribe you to bring me up that fucking mountain."_

Fifteen-thousand US Dollars later, Kyo was handed the keys to a brand new Harley-Davidson Motorcycle. He was disappointed when Iori hardly batted an eye at the check, but the bike more than made up for it.

It took two hours to get out of the city and climb the winding mountain roads, but soon enough they were flying across plateau's wide expanse. Kyo was enjoying the wind, Iori was not.

He was feeling light headed, perhaps it was the altitude - he didn't know. He was never very good with heights, and he didn't trust people in general. But neither of those individual things had ever caused him any sort of problem. Perhaps it was the combination of the two, in the form of ' _trusting_ somebody to bring him up a dangerously steep mountain pass' was the magic concoction that cast a greenish tint over his face.

Climbing a mountain pass at sixty miles per hour, on the backseat of a motorcycle no less! How many people have died on motorcycles! How many people have died on mountain passes? Ugh.

 _Just concentrate on keeping your lunch down alright Yagami?…_

His skull was slowly being filled with liquid nausea, he could hear it dripping maddeningly. He pressed his forehead firmly against the back of Kyo's neck, wrapped his arms around his stomach, and made it very clear to him that if he did anything other than drive in a straight line he was going home without his liver.

The bastard had just laughed.

* * *

 _My poor baby has got motion sickness. #1liek1prey #Kyo2muchBully #ComeHereYagLetMeSqueezeU_

* * *

So some fun facts.

* Iori speaks english and japanese, he can curse in spanish too. Kyo doesnt. (Not canon btw. but its hard to find whats canon or not for snk stuff anways)

* Turkey probably wont take US dollars for the harley (maybe in tourist towns, but i dont really know where this is)

* There's no way there's an INTERNATIONAL airport in a small town in the mountains.

* Kyo + Iori both 24/25-ish. Chizuru is like mid thirties

* Iori's kinda rich from being a musician. Chiz is even richer. I don't even know what Kyo does. Like all he does is fight nests nowadays right? I have no idea.

* TMW you overuse your death threats and nobody takes them seriously anymore.


	2. Treasure Party

_If you haven't seen Shutter Island. Definatly go watch fantastic._

 _I have this entire thing done. I'll I release a chapter a day, at like midnight pacific time until it's finishhed. There's gonna be three chapters total and a short epilogue._

* * *

 _lol chiz is such a mom._

 _im kinda Afraid Kyo's happiness is a little out of character, he's generally a lot more rude. whatever. i mean he did just extort 15K from Lori. That's somthing to be happy about right? #IoriMyBby*3*_

 _leave a non-contructive criticism. Literally just insult me. Tell me I'm ass._

* * *

The sun hung low in the sky. It cast the plains in a light orange hue- the beginnings of sunset. The wind was picking up a bit, it howled solemnly over the prairie. In the center of the prairie was a crater. In the center of the crater was a pulsing mass of energy.

Chizuru stood there at the crater's edge and looked coldly down at the glowing mass. She was dressed warmly for the mountains, and leaned against the motorcycle she had brought from home. She turned her face to the sky and closed her eyes.

This was her fault. She didn't have much time to watch the seal. She was the CEO of one of the largest companies in Japan for crying out loud! She didn't have time to babysit a demon. She was midway through an important meeting when she got a call from her housekeeper. Something like a bomb had gone off in her basement. _What a nuisance._

She had immediately called Kyo, who seemed a bit exasperated, but was willing to help. Iori's number was no longer in service. She tasked a every secretary in the company on finding his contact information. It took nearly an hour.

It took another hour to get him on the phone. And another to convince him to help re-seal the demon.

 _Just wait until I get my hands on you Yagami… my time is worth more than your entire-_

"Heey! Kagura!" The rumble of an engine hailed the arrival of the other two treasures.

Chizuru turned her head to watch Kyo pull up on a rather flashy-looking motorcycle. He removed his goggles and greeted her cheerily. He seemed to be in high spirits. He proceeded to make small talk.

Chizuru couldn't help but notice Iori Yagami was clinging to his rival as if his life depended on it. He didn't seem to realize the motorcycle had stopped, and was all but attached to the back of Kyo's jacket. Chizuru almost smiled as she motioned towards him.

"Getting along?"

Kyo shrugged and glanced over his shoulder to look at his passenger. "I learned a lot of curse words in the past three hours."

Kyo nudged his passenger with his elbow. Iori remained motionless.

"I mean, the first half-hour was in Japanese. Then he started speaking English or something so I don't know what he was saying…" Kyo yawned.

"But yeah. He didn't try to kill me, so I guess we 'got along'. Anyways, how was your trip?"

"There was a bomb threat in the airport you two landed in so-"

"Oh yeah, uh, that was Yagami" Kyo laughed. "He was playing with fire in the airport. Police thought he was a terrorist. We had to run. It was pretty crazy."

"Ah."

 _That plane detour which took two and a half hours… That was you too Yagami? Ohhh I'm going to slap you, you little brat. How much more of my time are you going to steal?!_ Chizuru's blood was beginning to boil, but her cool exterior masked any signs of anger.

"Then we went up the plateau! Man! You should have seen the views! It's amazing up here! There's all sorts of wildlife too. I saw a..."

Chizuru smiled blandly at Kyo and patiently waited for him to finish. She glanced at her watch, then cast a worried gaze to the bottom of the crater. After a couple of long minutes, Kyo had finished describing his journey and began fiddling with the knobs on his motorcycle. Chizuru interjected before he could ask her what each of the switches did.

"Well then, now that all of us are assembled, let's get this over with." She nodded at the glowing mass that lay in the dirt below. "Since I dragged you both out here, the least I can do is pay for dinner. I won't be able to eat with you, but I'll arrange to have the bill covered. How does that sound?"

 _A bit of incentive to get these two deadbeats moving. I need to get back to the company... Shoot. The airport that I flew into is so small that they close at twelve. I need to be there in less than four hours or else I'll be stranded for the night… And the crew's still on payroll. I had better hurry._

"Oh great! Thanks Kagura."

Kyo, motivated by the promise of a night of free eating and, more importantly, drinking, quickly tried to dismount the bike. He was held down by Iori, who hadn't yet released his death grip on Kyo's waist. He seemed startled for a moment before chuckling.

"I know you love me Yagami, but you've got to let me go okay?"

"..."

"Dude. Hey."

Iori lifted his head very slightly off the back of Kyo's jacket. His eyes were puffy and his face had turned an interesting shade of green.

" I... I think … I'm gonna throw up."

Iori let his head drop back down. The mirth drained from Kyo's face.

"...like... right now?"

"yeah."

An exclamation of "Holy shit then get the hell off me!" and "Don't you fucking dare vomit on me. I _will_ break all of your teeth!" was followed by a flurry of activity. After a few moments, Iori was sitting on the ground holding his head between his knees. Kyo had escaped to a good distance behind Chizuru.

She rolled her eyes.

 _Damn_ _Kids._

She strode towards the hunched figure and attempted to coax him to his feet. He seemed to have quite a bad case of motion sickness. No matter. Time was ticking and she needed him up and about. She didn't care if he was puking his guts out, so long as he got into that crater and did his job.

"Yagami, let's go. Hey!" She nudged him with her foot. "Come on now, both of you!... Kusanagi you too! what are you doing?"

 _I swear… If I need to stay the night in the middle of nowhere because of you two…_

Chizuru briefly considered grabbing Iori by the hair and throwing him into the crater. But if she did, Iori would probably start on a warpath against her. She couldn't afford to entertain a stalker maniac for the next few years, so she bit her lip, shut her eyes and continued encouraging him.

 _I need to go. Come on Yagami… PLEASE. Ugh. If you were anyone else, I would be threatening, not begging…_

While Chizuru pleaded with the sick man, the siren on her bike went off. She whipped around to see Kyo sitting on her motorcycle looking scared. He grinned sheepishly and raised his hands in surrender. _Brat._

Being the leader of the most powerful team to ever compete in a King of Fighters tournament should have been more glamorous. But instead, Chizuru found it much like parenting. No. It was much more difficult than parenting. She had authority over a thousands employees, but not these two. One was a loose cannon. The other was a loose cannon with a penchant for violent bouts of insanity. She prayed her own young son didn't end up like either of these idiots.

* * *

Y _ou know you're sick when you're too sick to defend yourself against accusations of homosexuality. Yag my poor baby. Things aren't gonna get any better for you. wait it out kay?_

* please ignore the fact that Iori was all like 'I hate heights' while riding on a (flat) plateau (last chapter). I forget things.

*also ignore how Kyo didn't know they would be riding motorcycles before he flew out, but he did know before Yagami landed. I mean, maybe Chizuru emailed him or something while on the plane (some have wifi now) but this just a fun side story and I don't really want to iron out details. sry.

next chapter, midnight tomorrow. stay tuned


	3. BITCH

_Chapter 3: BITCH : 'Hija de la gran Remilputas'_

 _(EDIT: 7/27) (I'm not sure what the Spanish means... But i'd like to apoligize to whoever's mother I just insulted. what a glorious language *mexican anthem plays*)_

* * *

 _Hey there._

 _This is the last installment._

 _if you happen to play puzzles and dragons, add me. my username is 'KOF Miss X' (303,738,377) Rank 543. I got into KOF because that game did a collab and I pulled Iori from the Gacha... now here I am._

* * *

Note: _I don't speak spanish. I literally googled for 'Spanish Curse Words'. I have no idea how strong the ones I used are. I don't know if my grammer is correct or not. If you want to correct me, pleas go ahead. If the cusses I wrote are too offensive, please tell me._

 _* I dont have any clever way to ask for reviews right now. just leave one. Im still debating on what to name this chapter, so the first review to recommend one can name it. This chapter will remain unnamed until then._

 _*(7/27 - Named now, Courtesy of GUEST. - I think Spanish is the coolest language for cussing. Like, its a million times more descriptive than English. lol. also i hate myself. please hurt me more)_

* * *

The the sun had dipped below the horizon by time Kyo was back on the road. Cold winds whipped at his jacket. His watch read 8:35 PM.

The motorcycle rumbled underneath him. His headlights illuminated the road ahead, but Kyo didn't dare speed up too much. He had never driven this path before and the roads were winding. They were headed to the town Chizuru flew into because Iori had caused a ruckus in the first city's airport. They really didn't want to be detained as terrorists because… well, they didn't have a very good defense. Videos was probably making rounds on the internet already.

Ten minutes beforehand, they had succeeded in sealing Orochi. Rather, they succeeded in convincing Iori to help seal Orochi. Chizuru had spend a long while pleading and coaxing him before she gave up, and demanded Kyo to help her. He had hauled his rival to his feet and dragged him bodily down into the crater. There, they sealed Orochi without much incident, and immediately began preparing to leave.

Iori had refused to ride on Kyo's motorcycle, and asked to ride with Chizuru. She readily agreed. A bit too readily, perhaps, but Iori's nausea addled brain was too sickly to cast any suspicion upon her.

Kyo grinned and turned to look over his shoulder in the dark night.

 _Nothing yet._

The very fact Iori had asked Chizuru for a favour spoke volumes.

It spoke volumes because Iori never asked for anything. He only demanded. Hell, even when somebody was about to kill him, he didn't even ask them to stop. All they got was a hateful glare, and the occasional ' _Do it fucker!_ '.

But back there, Iori had asked a favour. This meant he _desperately_ despised being a motorcycle passenger - at least in the foothills of Turkey. Kyo imagined Chizuru was insightful enough to pick up on that.

"..." A rumble… Was that them? Kyo turned to look for lights in his mirrors. _Still Nothing_.

Kyo knew Chizuru was not happy with the redhead. Nobody who saw her would be able to tell she was livid. Her ice cold demeanor was indecipherable. She had the perfect poker face. The only reason Kyo knew she _must_ be angry was because he knew how she conducted business.

She was a brutally efficient woman whose entire life revolved around wasting as little time as possible. It is no understatement to say the worst thing you could do to Chizuru Kagura was to waste her time. Iori had wasted a great deal of her time. Apparently, because of him, she would have to stay overnight in the small Turkish town.

Pissing off Chizuru Kagura was Yagami's first mistake.

His second mistake was he had assumed Chizuru was _not_ an accomplished Motorcycle _racer._ Because she certainly was. Did he not wonder how she managed to get to the crater before they did despite all the detours and delays she had to take? If he had, he might have concluded she was averaging 200 miles per hour on her modified racing bike.

 _It's too late for him now._

A light flashed in the distance, Kyo slowed and pulled over. He waited there on the side of the road, pulled out his phone and held it out.

 _They're coming. This is gonna be good._

He heard them long before the motorcycle came into view. A terrifying inhuman howling preceded the motorbike. The sound floated eerily over the plain. Kyo was immediately reminded of Ghost Rider.

He began recording. Facebook would appreciate this.

There. The single headlight beamed forward as they crested the hill. They must have been pushing a hundred miles per hour because Kyo could hardly get a look at them as the motorcycle went screaming past.

But what little he saw more than satisfied him.

Because... It wasn't the motorcycle screaming.

It was Iori, screeching like a banshee.

" _... aaaAAAAHH! PINCHE PUUTAAAA! CHHINNGAAATEEEE KAAGURAAAaaa-!_ "

The motorcycle raced past and disappeared into the night. The deathly howl it emitted would scare any locals the went past, but to Kyo, it was the sweetest of music.

* * *

 _Chizuru being a motobike racer is canon. I couldn't even make that up. It's in the wiki. go look. I swear it's there._

 _* I tried to write 'Bitch! fuck you kagura' in spanish. tell me how well i did._


	4. Epilogue: Exihibitionist

_You made it through the stupidity. congratulations. Unfortunatley there is no reward. The only thing we do for you here is to kill your brain cells._

 _Oh? you didn't know that was a free service we provide? Well then, enjoy our gift to you!_

I feel so dumb lol. I'm pretty sure this fic began as a fever dream. I can't quite remember.

* * *

 _Embrace the Cringe. It's the only whey. (clucks in dead meme)_

 _everybody knows only gay guys drive volkswagens._

 _Please write a review made entirely of spanish curse words. It'll be funny. I promise. just cuss me th fk out._

* * *

* _Knocking*_

"Hello?"

 _Huh? What the hell?_

Iori placed his guitar back on its stand and went to answer the door. People didn't solicit in this part of SouthTown. It was too dangerous, Geese's gang ran amok on these streets. Iori had chosen this place for that very purpose, neither the paparazzi nor reporters were willing to travel through gang territory to bother him. Iori Yagami hated to be bothered.

He stuck his head out and found a rather portly man had climbed the steps to his flat. He stood outside the wrought-iron gate in the sweltering heat. The sun glinted off his forehead and shone into Iori's eyes. The shiny grinned and waved. Iori squinted at him.

"I'm not buying your shit. Go away."

"Uh, Sir. This is a delivery."

"What?"

"We're here to deliver something. Please sign this."

Iori hadn't ordered anything, but his curiosity got the better of him. He kicked on a pair of sandals and stepped out. He scrawled a signature on the man's touchpad as he pushed past and began descending the stairs. Shiny stepped back as if startled and averted his eyes. Iori ignored him.

 _I hope the fans didn't find my address again… They sent me a hundred pounds of rotting meat last time. God it stank so bad._

On the street below, two workers had just pulled the large wooden crate of _something_ from the truck bed. They gave each other a strange look. A pair of old women stopped walking from across the road. Iori began yelling directions from the base of the steps.

"No, don't bring it up here, just stick it in the car port- yeah, underneath that overhang."

"No, the other one, the one with the Golf"

"Hey! If you scratch that fucking mustang a scary old man will come find you tonight and wring your neck. Don't even think about touching it."

"Oh, goddammit, you guys are useless. Let me - umph."

The three delivery-persons stood by awkwardly as a red haired man dressed in nothing but his underpants grabbed the seven-hundred pound box from them and tottered away. They murmured among themselves and quickly concluded that he was insane and they needed to vacate the premises as soon as possible.

As the truck skidded away, Iori placed the box down with a thump. He stabbed a hole through the wood panels and gave it a good sniff. It wasn't rotten food. Good.

He began shredding the crate's lid. With a heave it came free. The sudden influx of air caused a letter to flutter out of the box. Iori shook the wood chips out from beneath his fingernails and picked it up.

 _Dear Yagami,_

 _I hope you accept this apology._

 _Chizuru Kagura._

He stared at the letter, confused. Apology? For what? Why would Chizuru ever apologize to him? Iori dropped the note and returned to the crate.

The inside was filled with hundreds… no perhaps thousands of pill bottles.

Iori picked one up and read the label.

...

 _Oh._

 _..._

 _Now… That's just mean._

...

Chizuru had mailed him an industry sized palette of motion sickness medication.

Iori wasn't sure if he should laugh or scream.

* * *

 _King of Fighters? More like King of Weak Endings hahahah (pls shoot me. im so tired it's like 1:30)_

 _Lol Yag running around naked all the time. I mean, in his defense, Florida is hot... and I guess he subscribes to body positivity?_

 _*Volkswagen Golf - brand and make._

 _Dont worry. I hate myself too. We're all of the same mind here._


End file.
